Brotherly Drabbles
by Alex Damien
Summary: Drabbles based on Brotherly Messages. Contains various pairings, mainly gerita and pruaus
1. Chapter 1

**32\. How Many Snakes Are We Talking About?**

Germany sat at his living room couch with all his dogs sitting around him and a plate of wurst and a beer in front of him. He had planned his day off carefully, seeking the most efficient way to maximize relaxation.

This would make up for the last hellish work week he had just finished. He leaned back and turned the tv on to a soccer game. Yes, he calculated a 30% relaxation increase.

His cell phone rang. On the screen flashed a photo of his brother.

"Please don't make me go anywhere," he prayed quickly and picked up.

"Bruder?"

"Aaah, West, I'm so happy to hear you," said his brother with a hint of despair in his voice.

The front door slammed open and closed, and his dogs jumped up excitedly.

"Germany! Germany! I heard it was your day off so I brought pasta and a gift for you!" Said Italy in a singsong voice.

"Are you alright Bruder?" Asked Germany, lifting a hand to let Italy know where he was. A delicious smell filled the house. Wurst and Italian pasta, his relaxation and happiness levels increased fast.

"Well, remember that zoo party at France's?"

"No"

"Ah, I didn't tell you?"

"No"

"W-well it was a blast. But-," his brother gave a little choked screech.

"Bruder?"

Italy wandered into the living room. He wore a long tan trenchcoat along with a hat, and Germany glared at him. Why han't he taken that off? It was too hot for that today.

"Is that Prussia? Tell him I say hi!"

He bent over to leave the plate in the coffee table in front of him and germany noticed he didn't seem to be wearing any pants under the trenchcoat.

"Long story short," continued his brother. "We lost control of the snakes and now Spain and I are trapped in a closet with a bunch of them."

Italy took off his hat to reveal a bow on top of his head, and winked at Germany, who turned completely red.

"Spain is unconscious though…or asleep I have no idea. The absinthe did it for him."

"Uhuh," said Germany. Italy opened the top button of his trenchcoat. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He was, in all probability, not wearing anything underneath.

"Uff, tell Prussia to hurry, it's too hot with this thing!" said Italy

"I have no idea what kind of snakes they were. But…I can…West there's one on my thigh…" kept saying Prussia.

"Uhuh"

"Then what are you waiting for?! Come get me out of here!"

Germany bit his lower lip and pondered.

"…How many snakes are we talking about?"


	2. Chapter 2

**6\. I Don't Care What They Told You, You Can't Keep Those Birds**

After the last time his brother had set fire to the couch (using nothing other than a stick and cognac, which was amazing on its own) Germany had decided to set up a surveillance system so he could keep an eye on him while at the office.

"Bruder I'm serious. I know you brought all those birds to the house. I'm seeing them right now. They can't stay"

There were all kinds of birds everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. From bright colorful ones fluttering around the book cases, to a few owls on top of the refrigerator.

Prussia gave a high pitched whine and fell over the sofa. A few bright orange birds took flight, circled a bit around the lamp and then set down on the coffee table.

"But I love them so much!"

"I know."

"And they told me they could totally stay with me!"

"I don't care what they told you, you can't keep those birds!"

Prussia whined again, and Germany turned off the cameras. He couldn't stand to see him suffer, and he had to gather the strength he would need for when Prussia inevitably cried once the birds left.

He called the bakery to order his brother's favorite cake, and then set to design a bird playground in the back garden where the birds could visit his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**91\. Stop sending me nudes.**

The timer for the oven and Germany's phone rang at the same time. "Ugh, not now," said Germany, looking at his hands covered in oven mitts. He would have to get the phone after getting the cake out.

"Germany?" asked a sleepy Italy from the room. "Are you baking?"

"Uhmm…"

"It's midnight."

"I…couldn't sleep…," said Germany, leaving the cake on the counter. His phone rang again. A message.

"I'll get your phone," said Italy, walking out of the room, naked except for one of Germany's shirts.

"Don't go out like that, you'll get sick. Besides, it's probably Prussia."

Only his brother sent messages this late at night. His brother and Italy.

Italy was silent for so long that Germany took off his apron and went to look for him.

He stood next to the couch, trying really hard to not laugh, and so red in the face, he looked like Romano when he was embarrassed.

"I-it…really was Prusshhhiahahaha!" he said, and laughed so hard, he fell to the floor, clutching his stomach.

Germany looked into his phone to see Prussia, France and Spain dancing naked on a fountain.

_"__Stop sending me nudes."_ He wrote back, and picked up Italy to take him back to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**92\. What does Chris Browned means? Who is Chris Brown?**

Germany's phone rang, and he whined under the covers. A quick glance at the clock told him it was two in the morning. Please, let it not be mein Bruder…Please, please…, he scrambled around the bedside table with his eyes still closed. His phone rang again, but by now he was aware it was a message.

The doorbell rang.

"Whyyy?" he whined, sitting up and wide awake. If the one sending the message was Prussia, he was going to have to get back home on his own because Germany wasn't going to go look for him at some seedy club yet again. He was tired and had to be up in three hours for a meeting. And whoever was at his door was getting an earful too. Especially if it was Prussia sending messages from the door. Again.

_"__Dude, your brother got chris browned so bad! Tell him I got his phone- Spain"_

Said the message from his brother's phone number.

"What?…," muttered Germany. The doorbell rang again and again. He grunted and got out of the bed. _"What does Chris Browned means? Who is Chris Brown?"_ he texted Spain. The doorbell rang so much Germany had to yell "I'm coming! Stop that already!"

_"__It's when your boyfriend hits you :) –Spain"_

Germany opened the door to find a very pissed off Austria and his brother lying on the ground with a black eye.

"I believe this is, oof, yours," he said, and dragged Prussia into the doorstep. His brother whined, and drunkenly slurred something that seemed to include the word ducks.

"I…didn't know you two were dating," said Germany, despite the fact that he was more surprised by the fact that Austria had managed to drag his brother home, than by their relationship.

Austria turned red. "Good night, and good bye," he said, and kicked Prussia one last time before leaving.


	5. Chapter 5

**16\. And This Is Why You Can't Have A Cat. Hold On I'm Getting The Bandages.**

His brother was trying that new snapchat thing, and Germany already knew it would be a bad idea.

When he received a photo of a beautiful black cat with the caption "So soft!" he knew it wouldn't be long. A few minutes later he received another photo of his brother bleeding from a few gashes across his face. No caption.

Germany sighed, and replied through a far more sensible text message that said "And this is why you can't have a cat. Hold on I'm getting the bandages."


End file.
